News from the Arkansonian Paper

AP (roosterpoot)- This is the latest news from Roosterpoot Arkansas,

Cabinet maker Roy C. Scrodum designed a range of stylish wooden cupboards, wardrobes and tables using the female anatomy as his inspiration.

His newest piece is a fruit bowl decorated with a realistically shaped life-size wooden breasts calleed "Titty Fruity" raised quite a strew about town, when it was displayed in the walk by window at Pervs Inc. 13 year olds and some 12 year olds, and some as young as nine, were quite amused and there mama's had to slap the boys from keeping them from licking the windows of the store. needless to say the stores owner cancelled his window cleaning for the month.

Other pieces include a wine glass cupboard in the shape of large breast, a table supported by legs molded from a female model and a bedside drawer which opens pressing a piece in the dressers private parts.

Gurney Girley said "the shape of a woman in wood, her organic architecture, combined with his passion for wood inspried him to have sex with the tree at the corner of Elm and Sicamore. Needless to say that the tree was cut down right after his arrest.

The funiture can be seen at the store located at 2 main street or in the middle of the night if you are a normal man or a lesbian woman.


A man from rural Roosterpoot county was arrested on animal cruelty charges after sheriff Dong seized 21 pit bulls from a house filled with P!!s and sh!t.

Officers were overwhelmed by the stank on Tuesday when they entered the pit hole of a home, where wooden floors had rotted from the animal pee and poop that was trickling down the stairs. Evidently one of the animals had just laid pavement according to the sheriff’s cousin-wife-step mom deputy who slipped on a pile.

The smell was so strong that the sheriff had to run outside to keep from puking because he couldn’t imagine his cousin-wife-step mom slipping in the crap and then having to go home and sleep with the smelly bitch because it wasn’t bath day, which happens to be Saturday.

Elmer, whose neighbors said was breeding the dogs and trying to sell them for $5 each on eaby, was booked with 21 counts of animal cruelty and other charges like having sex with the dogs, will be arrained on bath day, which through a kink in Gynoginas plans for bath day. So she will be extra stinky when she goes to the store on Wednesday.

"I had no clue as to how many dogs he had" said Gynoshekwa, who runs the title company in a lean to across the street. "We sat and watched from the zipper of our tent as they brought out dog after dog.

Authorities said a woman claimed to have found a razor blade in her egg roll down at Smarties, early Wednesday. The woman was not injured but said that she ordered a sausage, egg, cheese, and pig intestine roll in the drive-thru here in Roosterpoot. A police report said that she claims that she found the blade in the egg roll after biting into it while she was waiting on her disability check to get to the post office, and putting on make-up, talking an the cell phone, drinking a soft drink, slapping her five kids, and forgetting to put the car into park. The manager told the police that the place uses razor blades, but it was unclear if it was the same kind that the woman claims she found in her food. The manage told authorities that the only way she could see the accident happening was if someone had place the blade above the cooking area and it fell in accidentally. Restaurant owner Kimeeka Shaneekwa Holderonshakeenwameekwa said in a statement that the public should be wary of making assumptions about the incident and was probably there fault and urged the woman not to eat the razor blade as it could cause damage to her bung hole as it exited into the out house pit. She added that the restaurant is cooperating with the Roosterpoot County Sheriffs Office.

A suspected car thief was track down by police after he left his false teeth at the crime scene. Police say that Harry Nosehole, 54, broke into a car just Northeast of town and stole an 8 track player, but lost his teeth when he tried to give the owner of the car a blow job for not turning him in. A quick get away after the ejaculation proved to be the quickest in the county. The suspect was tracked down using dental records. Roosterpoot Officers charged the man with robbery and sloppy seconds. Police spokesman Harry Crotch said that "He tried to tell us that the false teeth were his, that they had been stolen from him and he had not been anywhere near the car or the other guys yahoo at the time of the theft". But we knew he was lying though his bear gums as ejaculate ran down his chin. The victim in this case doesn’t want to press charges in this case but would like to see the man after he gets out of jail and he has had more practice.


In the weather is it going to be 70 everywhere with a slight chance of snow in the morning. For all those walking around on the side of the hill with one leg shorter than the other, be careful you might slip down hill.
That is the new from Roosterpoots very own Arkansonian paper, Issued every month about this same time.

That is the new from the Roosterpoot Arkansonain, I am Vagileania Dripping reporting.